Sugarmaker Trump

Chief of Operations writes:

Sugarmaker Trump??

 2/18/17  I am exiting our sugarbush after a twelve-hour day of tapping. The snow I’m treading on has morphed from pristine powder this morning to mashed potatoes as warmer weather has burst on the scene. Except for the small patch of light from my headlamp, I am enveloped by hushed blackness and in my exhaustion it seems I am descending into the caverns of the sacred river Alph in Xanadu.

Against all norms, sugaring season has exploded in mid-February this year with no end in sight. It is such a yank preparing to make syrup under these rushed conditions, and the unfolding events seem as chaotic as the Trump presidency.

My mind wanders as I ponder the thought of Trump as a sugarmaker. I’m amused, as the scenario is both ludicrous and oddly plausible. There are so many corporation-funded, huge sugaring operations being set up, lured by the current high price of syrup and labor saving technology, that maybe The Donald would consider joining ranks.

I can hear him now boasting of his “wonderful trees,” and how “even the old-time sugarmakers can’t believe how beautiful my sugarbush is,” and how “the amazing sap sweetness can’t be measured by those toy hydrometers that only go up to 10%.”

I can see his tweets berating the weather, “those fake forecasts that never come true,” and after a bad season, “a total disaster due to the rigged weather pattern.”

And, he certainly wouldn’t let his spectacular syrup-making go unnoticed. “The syrup pouring off my incredible evaporators can only be measured in gallons/second, and the flavor is so, so magnificent. No one has ever tasted anything so fantastic. Really folks, you have to try it to believe it, you’ll just have to try it”.

As I approach house lights in the valley below, these gilded thoughts recede and I slog on in my mediocrity.

-Lew Coty